So I've been working on a new self portrait (I just put my second edit up in the scraps section). I have to say, its coming along pretty well so far, but I have a *lot* of rust to shake off. I think I've re-gotten used to using my tablet, but I have forgotten a LOT of photoshop skills. Le suck. But the only way to push forward and get better is to keep doing it so... thats what I'll do! I definitely want to get better, and I know for a fact I'm not utilizing CS3 to its full potential so I need to get crackin!

I also need to learn how to sit like a normal human being... gah my poor legs T_T I have a habit of sitting on them or just kind of... perching on my chair? I remind myself of L sometimes hahaha but then that makes me want pastries O_o

I'm hoping to have a finished product to upload before Christmas, but I also want this to have a background of sorts... we'll see how it goes ::nods::

Its almost going to be a new year... almost everything that -was- in the beginning of this year is -not- now. I have very literally gone through a rl-reformatting, but I look at my current situation and its really not so bad. I'm in southern california now, in a transitionary period with jobs ; but I've got some good prospects. I also find myself surrounded with really creative people trying to "make it" out here and its poked at my long sleeping inner muse. Again, the time comes when I want to make something. When stories stir themselves up in my heart and mind and I'm often found with my nose in a book or staring off into space playing out some scene I need to capture and recreate.

I have the time to learn the things I need to now. They'll be self taught, and hopefully I can avoid creating bad habits, but... I think this time around something good is going to come out of all this. That would be really cool.

Anyways, I hope the coming year brings me good projects and some conclusions to the stories I've been working on as well as a chosen medium for them to be shared. Look forward to it!

...and I'm treating myself to a new toy. I shouldn't, I know. I have lots else to deal with financially I guess... haha no I do u_u but... I need this. I need something. I'd like to be using my computer for the -tool- it is rather than just something to check my email and waste time on.

I'm also looking for software relating to story organization. I would like to begin plotting out my story idea because it's really getting to be a bit to big to handle in just one little note book (and no I don't mean I've filled my note book... I wish. I just need to plot it all out so I don't have story inconsistencies! Without rereading my entire notebook before I add anything new each time)

I was looking at flowcharting stuff... but I was talking to some of my coworkers and they said story boarding might be better... but I don't have any pictures or anything to put yet, just words... I just don't know what would be best. Any suggestions would be lovely tho

I can't not give myself time to outlet. I have steadily lost my creative flow so now it is but a trickle. My stories no longer come to me as frequently as they once did and my drawing now angers me because I know it should be better... I really let myself go...

But you know what? What other purpose do I have? I figured out that a job is only making a function for yourself to society, to make yourself a slave to something or to help something else work or whatever. A shiney new cog to put in the gears and make the whole machine run smoothly. (may seem obvious to some people, but I guess for me it only just sunk in recently) What else do I have but my creativity? What can I give to society but my stories and such? Lock myself into a 9-5 dead end job?? Yea ok, I can do that... but then I'll turn into a fricken hollow ass zombie. I'll loose my fire, and that's something that I am not prepared to do... I broke up with someone for doing that once, I can't see that fate for myself...

So this is my conclusion; I must invoke my muse once more. I need to gather the scattered thoughts and pages of my stories and put them together. Come up with conceptual art, smooth out the story line... comeplete my work that I always -ALWAYS- leave unfinished. I always do that. I'm such a fucking procrastinator it's not even funny. I'd be a bad mosquito because I'd find a good vein and sip from it for a while, then fly off thinkin I'll just come back and find it later. Thats just what I've done with my art...

Something... anything... help me

I've gotta find that vein again...

I think I shall no longer write journal entries here and use this part for a lil self blurby thing Here are the clubs that I belong to :3 Hopefully my tablet will see fit to work with me so I can submit to them!

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/sweetdreams13/Icons%20and%20Avatars/club-mizuno.gif"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/sweetdreams13/Icons%20and%20Avatars/jinxxkidflash-club.png">

...I'll make the links work ><